Well,
my great Midwest adventure has begun! It
is an adventure in two ways: I am on a trip BY MYSELF for the first time in 27
years! My entire staff has envisioned one fiasco after another. None of them think I am capable of doing this
by myself.... more on that later.
Secondly, this is my first blog.
Don't
get me wrong. I write all the time, but it is with planning. There is no
planning associated with a blog. As a matter of fact, I did not intend to post
a blog until I sat in my seat on the plane. So here it goes!
We
did some planning about who was going to each Midwest State Fair. I announced I
was going to the Ohio and Indiana State Fairs, and everyone in the office said (in
unison)"Who is going with you?" "No one," I replied. That
was met with gasps, horrified looks, and Ryan saying, "Why in the world would
you even think you can do that?"
"Because I can, and I am," I retorted. For the last two weeks
I have been inundated with all manner of reasons why it was impossible for me
to do this.
From
Bill: You pack like Chinese royalty. How are you going to get your bags in the
car?
Answer:
I have been working out, and I know how to tip!
From
Ryan: How many years has it been since you carried a box of magazines?
Answer:
If I told you, I would have to kill you, and I am sure that they have polite,
helpful young people in Ohio and Indiana.
Counter
Response: That is not Texas, honey. You
can't just yell at a Chris Barton or a Peyton Herzog across the parking lot and
have them rush to help you!
From
Megan: You're not going to drive, are you?
Answer:
I don't think so. My car is still in the
shop from my wrecking it before the Bonanza, and the one I am driving I wrecked
during the Bonanza, and it needs to go in the shop, so, I don't think so.
From
Howard: Why are you going?
Answer:
I am going to put out magazines and meet some of our customers up there. I can
be charming when I try.
Counter
Response: Maybe you could practice trying around here.
From
Scooter: How are you going to find the fairgrounds?
Answer:
I have an iphone with GPS.
Counter
Response: I know, you had it last time, and we were lost most of the time.
I
finally decided to try to find a more positive soul to go with me, but that
didn't work either, so I purchased an airline ticket on Southwest airlines to
take me from Houston to Columbus. The only problem with SWA is that their best
flights are either early in the morning or late in the evening. I booked a
flight leaving Houston Hobby at 6:05 in the morning. Houston Hobby is exactly
132 miles from my front gate.
They
all wanted me to go to Houston the night before, but we were swamped. It was
7:00 P.M. by the time I walked in my front door, so I set my alarm for 2:00 A.M
and went to bed.
I
got up at 2:00 this morning, but time management when leaving for a trip is not
my greatest talent. I needed to be at Houston Hobby at 5:05 A.M., but somehow,
it was 3:28 A.M. before I turned on the ignition. That was not good planning, so I gunned it.
There
are not many cars on the road at that time of morning, so I breezed along until
I went through Trinity. I saw the flashing red lights from a mile away, so I
pulled over, retrieved my driver's license and poof of insurance. I smiled sweetly
as I rolled down the window and looked at the thunderous face of Officer
Adams.
"You
certainly are up early!" I said, trying to break the ice. He never
replied. "I am trying to make a
5:00 A.M. flight," I explained. He
just looked at me. Finally, in desperation I asked him if he knew a government
official in Trinity County that is a friend of mine. "Yes, I know
him," he said. "We are friends," I replied, and he will vouch
for me." He looked at me, looked at
my driver's license and finally said, "Ok. I am going to run your driver’s
license. You have him call me, or I will mail you a citation." "Yes,
sir," I said.
He
came back in two minutes. I jerked my driver's license out of his hand, put the
car in gear, and started back on the road in my quest to beat the clock.
Interstate
45, the route to Houston, is the shortest Interstate Highway in America. It
starts in Galveston and ends in Dallas.
It has one more distinction for a highway wanting to make it into the Guinness
Book of world records: it is under construction more than any other highway in
the country. In my lifetime, there has never been a month when it wasn't under construction.
Highways
under construction always have these signs that say: Road work in progress,
lower speed; fine triples. I understand
that, and I think that is a good safety move, but there is no construction
taking place at 4:00 o'clock in the morning. It always amazes me how many
people think that lower speed is the law 24 hours a day! When there is no
construction taking place, I think it should be business as usual, and that is
exactly how I interpreted it this morning.
I made
record time getting to Hobby Airport. Much to my staff's amazement I did get my
bags to the check in line, but it was a little more difficult than I had
imagined. There is no sky cap in the parking lot at 5:15 in the morning. I
managed to hoist my bag out of the trunk, put my world of carry-ons on top of
this monstrous suitcase and sprinted to the terminal.
The
one thing people in the office did not remember to remember to point out was
that the guys always carry my carry-ons which usually weigh as much as a normal
person's bag. I will have to admit that by the time I made it to the boarding
area, I had this strained neck and back on my right side. I think a little deep
heat of some variety will fix that.
I
got on the plane, stored all my carry-ons somewhere that I will never find since
they are scattered all over the plane. I
have buckled up, listened to the 167th version of the safety drill before take-off,
had my orange juice, and am winging my way toward Columbus right now.
I
will keep you posted as I go.
Cherie